Nostalgia

Tonight I feel a little lonely and heavy-hearted. I chatted with Ben online a little while ago, but it made me cry. It was a perfectly good conversation, I just miss him. I was looking at our pictures and it made me feel warm to reminisce, but it also made me feel so alone. I've never loved anyone as much as I love him. Less than a week until I see him.

Well, I need to get out of this funk...

Things are looking up

It has officially been over a week since my guy left for training. Most of last week was completely unbearable. After we fought about it towards the end of the week, it seems to have improved! Things are very much back to normal. It upset me that we weren't our usual selves. I miss him so much, but it's getting better. Only two weeks until I see him. I had fallen asleep after work for a little while because work was terrible today. While I was sleeping, I had such a nice dream about Ben. It was one of those lucid dreams.

Another awesome thing, I've lost 20 pounds since whenever I started dieting a few weeks ago. That made me VERY happy!!

11 days...

However long the night, the dawn will break

It seems like it's been at least a week since I last saw Ben, but alas, it's only been two days. I wasn't kidding when I said this was going to be a very long three weeks. We already fought last night and I'm still left with a sour taste in my mouth from it. He's been indifferent to me these past few days. It really gets me wondering about things I shouldn't have to be thinking. What's meant to be will be I suppose.

Day one...

A few hours ago I took Ben to the airport. Here's to the longest three weeks of my life. He should be landing in Texas at 7:20pm our time. I hope he's having a decent flight. I started missing him as soon as he walked away at the airport. I don't like to cry, but I was fighting back tears the whole ride home and all afternoon. I'm trying not to think too much about it.

Yesterday we had our Thanksgiving because all of us were off and it was so nice. We also put up our Christmas tree on Friday and decorated it before we had dinner yesterday. I wanted to do it before Ben went away. I'm glad we had a nice day. I soaked up every minute with him... every kiss... every touch.

So, anyway, it's been a rough few weeks. We had a huge snow storm on October 29th which was really bad. Because all the leaves hadn't fallen off the trees, the weight of the heavy snow broke a lot of branches. So many trees fell around the area, it was like the world was ending. The worst of it all was that not only I, but Ben didn't have electricity for 9 days. It was just awful! We lost everything in our refrigerator and the tall freezer. Poor Ben was so depressed for his birthday. I felt bad that we ended up fighting that day.

Hopefully my next post will be sooner, and not as morose! Here's to the next 19 days :(

<3 <3 <3

It's a Blustery Day

This weekend was started off nicely with Ben and I going to a Thrice concert last night. They were pretty awesome. Two of the opening acts were good, the other one, not so much.

Today, Mom, Mike and I went to get apples for pies and applesauce. We also picked up some nice looking pumpkins too! After that we went out to breakfast at the diner. I had corned beef hash and eggs, I was very bad! I've got to start being better on my diet. I totally fell off the wagon. Well, that's not completely true, I'm usually good for breakfast and lunch at work. After all our errands were done we decided to take a drive around to see the fall foliage. It was really nice spending the day with my family! At the end we stopped to get pumpkin ice cream!! Too bad Ben had to work :(

Anyway, Ben has passed all three of his tests required to go to training. He was supposed to go on October 31, which is his birthday, but all the slots are full. Now it's official that he's leaving November 28 and he's going to be training in Austin Texas. He's pretty disappointed that his training isn't in Cupertino California where the Apple headquarters is located. I know it probably won't be allowed, but if I can, I'd like to go visit him on my weekend off while he's away. He's going to be gone for three weeks... eek! Either way, I'm glad it's only one time zone away!

Here's a few pictures from my last weekend off when Ben and I went to the Apple Harvest Festival out near Gettysburg Pennsylvania.

Mayday!

Where have I been? Well, August was really busy because Ben and I went on vacation to Colonial Williamsburg. That doesn't account for half of July and half of September... hmm.

Anyway, Ben got promoted which is so awesome. I'm so proud of him, he's come so far this year. He has to do training in his store for a few weeks and then has to go to Atlanta for three weeks. Three weeks. Three weeks without him. I can't even express how much I'm going to miss him. It's not like it's for a few days, it's for three weeks. Also, he's leaving on his birthday. I should be off the weekend before, so hopefully we can do something then.

I was so excited to have today off because I have the whole house all to myself. Mom and Mike went on vacation to Cape May for a few days. I am glad she's getting away for a few days. She never goes anywhere for more than an over night thing. So, I thought I'd have a nice day, just do my laundry, scrapbook a little, put on some Friends for background noise. Now I'm just a little somber. I'll live.

Another good thing is that I've lost 10 ish pounds. If you go by my scale it's 10 lbs , if you go by my work scale it's 12 lbs.

Something to look forward to!

Ben finally got approved for his vacation time in August. So this means we're going away!!! I really look forward to getting away a few times a year. It really helps me to regroup. Ben and I both really need this vacation. 

We decided on Williamsburg for this years big trip! We both agreed that we didn't want to spend more than $500-$600ish. Well I was able to book a condo, yes, a condo for four nights at $450. Umm... can we say hell yes? Also, if we wanted to get the 7 day 7 attraction pass its $177 dollars. So, if I do my math right, it seems like we'll each be paying around $400 before extras. Since this is a condo we're staying at, we can bring food with us to cook! Oh, and the best part about it is, there's a jacuzzi! I am SO excited! I can not wait to get away with Ben! 

26 days...

Ignorance isn't bliss

I've been talking to this person I used to work with for a while now. They are easily the most ignorant person I've ever known in my life. I can't even explain the depth of their stupidity! Is it really possible for a human to be so incredibly dense? How can you not want to better yourself? I can't imagine sitting at home jobless, not helping  to make dinner or clean or do anything but watch TV. Then they pick fights with me over something that happened with one of their family members. I'm tired of their pissy mood! Enough of that! Just had to get that out hehe.

So, good news for Ben and I!! We joined a gym! I'm very excited about this because we both need to get in better shape. I think we will be good motivation for each other. Yesterday we weighed and measured ourselves all over. Now we can keep track of how much we've lost.

Tonight Ben and I are going to the 3:10 am showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part two in IMAX 3D. This is the last Harry Potter movie! I can't wait to see it. The midnight showing was sold out so we have to see the next one. It should be a great day.

Recurring dreams and somber music

So, I've been pretty terrible with writing, huh? I guess I've just had a lot on my mind. Of course when I go to actually write them out I can't think of half of them!

Well, one weird thing is the recurring dream that I've had for years happened again last night. I know exactly what spurred it on. Last night I had stumbled upon an old friends Facebook through a mutual friend and it brought back a lot of memories. It seemed like this dream went on all night and these kind of dreams always feel real!

The dream has the same basic plot, just different settings and such. It's always about this friend and us somehow bumping into each other and me telling her about these dreams I've been having and how I was sorry for things that happened between us years ago. She usually responds in the same way every time, and agrees that we should forget what happened back then and be friends again. I swear the dreams get sadder each time. This time I was driving and then walking on the one back road not too far from here. Then somehow her and I ran into each other and we hugged. I told her that I've had so many of these dreams before and they all end the same way, by me waking up. I said that I was afraid that this one was the same, but she told me that it wasn't and it was real, that we really were friends again. I was crying in the dream and then I woke up.

I just can't get this out of my head today! Her and I stopped being friends about five years ago and shortly after our "breakup" is when these started happening. I had these dreams three to four times a week a few years ago. Luckily, they're few and far between. I suppose I got what was on my mind out so I can go to sleep and hopefully have more cheerful dreams!

Also, on a completely different topic, Ben and I have been considering moving out with a room mate. We've been discussing this for a while now, but we're not sure if we're financially ready for the expenses of an apartment. So, tonight Ben asked me to move in with him at his house. I would very much like to do that, I'm just not sure if it can happen right away. There's so much more that has to be discussed and whatnot. Plus, I wouldn't want my mom to think that I'm abandoning her. Well, we'll see what happens!

.melancholia.

First, I'll start with some kind of high note. Last weekend my mom, her boyfriend and myself all went to New York City for the day. We had such a blast! We woke up with the birds at about 4 am and got the train by 6:15 am. It was better to get up early because we got into the city a little before 8 am. My mom's boyfriend had never been to the city, so we did all the touristy stuff like the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Rockefeller Center, Saint Patricks Cathedral etc. It was the perfect day to go, I had such a great time with them! I will put pictures on here another day though.

On Friday, Ben and I went to Bushkill Falls in Pennsylvania which was so beautiful. That trip definitely made us realize how out of shape we really are! Yesterday we both worked and I went to his house around 6:30 pm to dog watch Rascal. I thought I'd surprise him with a hot meal when he came home from work. I had chicken, mashed potatoes, mixed veggies and some raw veggies. He seemed to appreciate what I had done. During dinner we had an argument which really set the tone for the rest of the evening. We haven't really been getting along lately as it is. I hate crying in front of people, it makes me feel so weak. It feels like that's all I've been doing the past few days. I haven't cried as hard as I did last night in years. I feel like I'm standing completely still and everything around me is shattering. We've had these conversations before on how we can possibly improve our relationship, but what more can I do? I'm not a terribly religious person, but last night, I actually prayed for help. What's happening in this life of mine? :(

Since we were up so long bickering last night, I only got two and a half hours of sleep. Man, was I dragging at work. I know I should probably take a nap before Ben gets out of work, but I'm in a stupor. My mind just keeps going...

Resolutions

It's been almost six months since New Year's and have I accomplished anything??


- Be a more positive person ----- I am trying... I hope it's working! Fingers crossed!

- Lessen my debt ----- I've been paying as much as I can, but I'm still in the hole!

- Give up at least 3 credit cards ----- So far one is completely paid off!

- Lose at least 15 pounds ----- I lost 5ish. Better than nothing

- Eat healthier ----- I try, but that doesn't always work out. 

- Get my car fixed!!! ----- I did this one!!!

- Pursue a different career ----- The more I think about it, the more I think I should pursue more into the career I'm already in.

- Read more ----- I have been!! I forgot how much I love to read.

- Sleep more regularly ----- Hmm... I slept about 3 hours last night, what do you think??

- Swear less ----- I have been better with this as well.

- Travel somewhere new ----- Ben and I are planning something, I'm not sure what yet! We'll have to make it somewhere new! Actually, we went to Sandy Hook, New Jersey at the beginning of May. That counts right?? I had never been there!


Overall, I have been making progress on my New Year's Resolutions! Five out of eleven is not bad considering most people forget their resolutions by January 3rd. Now lets hope for no rain this weekend so we can have a nice trip into the city! :)

Calla Lilies

Last weekend the family and I ran some errands and ended up looking at flowers and plants and such. We found the most beautiful calla lilies. When I get married I'd like to have orange calla lilies :)

I like the style of this one as well as the color

I like the simplicity of this one most. Just calla lilies and some greenery

I love pink and yellow :)

These are very pretty, but a little too sinister for a wedding

These are a few I took over the weekend

Next weekend we're all planning to go to New York City for the day. I really hope Ben can come. He's not sure if he has that day off or not. I'm also hoping that it doesn't rain! It's been raining everyday for what seems like a month. I want the sunshine back!

First beach day of the season!!

On May 1st Ben and I decided to go to the beach for the day. We went to Sandy Hook, NJ. I had actually never been to that beach, but we figured it was closer than Point Pleasant or Seaside Heights. It's difficult to go far with the gas prices getting so high. I filled my gas tank two days ago and spent $48. Yeah, it was close to empty, but it still shouldn't be that damn high! Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked lol!

We got there around 1 pm because we were slow moving. We did get our first sniff of the salty sea air of the season though! I love spending the day away with Ben. It's so nice to go to new places and do different things.

There it is...

You can see the NYC skyline in the background

hmm...

I like this one. I dunno why.

The pictures of us together didn't come out that great, but this was was alright

Kites!

Someone is watching you...

Look at that face :)

Weirdo.

There's my handsome guy!

This bug had a white heart on its back

Prickly Pear Cactus!

Info Center

Sand dunes

I like these two pictures of me (for a change)

Mortar Battery

I'm looking into the dark locked up room...

...and that's what's inside!

This lighthouse was nice, but it needs a new coat of paint

More abandon military stuff

Inside the Battery Potter

This place really skeeved Ben and I out. It was very dark and had a very... murder house kinda feel to it.

Do you hear what I hear?

Hey, it's the coast guard!

Abandon military houses

We had such a nice time together! It was pretty neat seeing all the abandon military stuff there. Even though, inside that Battery potter was really, really creepy. I was beginning to feel like we were in a horror flick lol! Couples are usually the first to go... so we wouldn't make it long if it was.