.melancholia.

First, I'll start with some kind of high note. Last weekend my mom, her boyfriend and myself all went to New York City for the day. We had such a blast! We woke up with the birds at about 4 am and got the train by 6:15 am. It was better to get up early because we got into the city a little before 8 am. My mom's boyfriend had never been to the city, so we did all the touristy stuff like the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Rockefeller Center, Saint Patricks Cathedral etc. It was the perfect day to go, I had such a great time with them! I will put pictures on here another day though.

On Friday, Ben and I went to Bushkill Falls in Pennsylvania which was so beautiful. That trip definitely made us realize how out of shape we really are! Yesterday we both worked and I went to his house around 6:30 pm to dog watch Rascal. I thought I'd surprise him with a hot meal when he came home from work. I had chicken, mashed potatoes, mixed veggies and some raw veggies. He seemed to appreciate what I had done. During dinner we had an argument which really set the tone for the rest of the evening. We haven't really been getting along lately as it is. I hate crying in front of people, it makes me feel so weak. It feels like that's all I've been doing the past few days. I haven't cried as hard as I did last night in years. I feel like I'm standing completely still and everything around me is shattering. We've had these conversations before on how we can possibly improve our relationship, but what more can I do? I'm not a terribly religious person, but last night, I actually prayed for help. What's happening in this life of mine? :(

Since we were up so long bickering last night, I only got two and a half hours of sleep. Man, was I dragging at work. I know I should probably take a nap before Ben gets out of work, but I'm in a stupor. My mind just keeps going...