Recurring dreams and somber music

So, I've been pretty terrible with writing, huh? I guess I've just had a lot on my mind. Of course when I go to actually write them out I can't think of half of them!

Well, one weird thing is the recurring dream that I've had for years happened again last night. I know exactly what spurred it on. Last night I had stumbled upon an old friends Facebook through a mutual friend and it brought back a lot of memories. It seemed like this dream went on all night and these kind of dreams always feel real!

The dream has the same basic plot, just different settings and such. It's always about this friend and us somehow bumping into each other and me telling her about these dreams I've been having and how I was sorry for things that happened between us years ago. She usually responds in the same way every time, and agrees that we should forget what happened back then and be friends again. I swear the dreams get sadder each time. This time I was driving and then walking on the one back road not too far from here. Then somehow her and I ran into each other and we hugged. I told her that I've had so many of these dreams before and they all end the same way, by me waking up. I said that I was afraid that this one was the same, but she told me that it wasn't and it was real, that we really were friends again. I was crying in the dream and then I woke up.

I just can't get this out of my head today! Her and I stopped being friends about five years ago and shortly after our "breakup" is when these started happening. I had these dreams three to four times a week a few years ago. Luckily, they're few and far between. I suppose I got what was on my mind out so I can go to sleep and hopefully have more cheerful dreams!

Also, on a completely different topic, Ben and I have been considering moving out with a room mate. We've been discussing this for a while now, but we're not sure if we're financially ready for the expenses of an apartment. So, tonight Ben asked me to move in with him at his house. I would very much like to do that, I'm just not sure if it can happen right away. There's so much more that has to be discussed and whatnot. Plus, I wouldn't want my mom to think that I'm abandoning her. Well, we'll see what happens!

.melancholia.

First, I'll start with some kind of high note. Last weekend my mom, her boyfriend and myself all went to New York City for the day. We had such a blast! We woke up with the birds at about 4 am and got the train by 6:15 am. It was better to get up early because we got into the city a little before 8 am. My mom's boyfriend had never been to the city, so we did all the touristy stuff like the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Rockefeller Center, Saint Patricks Cathedral etc. It was the perfect day to go, I had such a great time with them! I will put pictures on here another day though.

On Friday, Ben and I went to Bushkill Falls in Pennsylvania which was so beautiful. That trip definitely made us realize how out of shape we really are! Yesterday we both worked and I went to his house around 6:30 pm to dog watch Rascal. I thought I'd surprise him with a hot meal when he came home from work. I had chicken, mashed potatoes, mixed veggies and some raw veggies. He seemed to appreciate what I had done. During dinner we had an argument which really set the tone for the rest of the evening. We haven't really been getting along lately as it is. I hate crying in front of people, it makes me feel so weak. It feels like that's all I've been doing the past few days. I haven't cried as hard as I did last night in years. I feel like I'm standing completely still and everything around me is shattering. We've had these conversations before on how we can possibly improve our relationship, but what more can I do? I'm not a terribly religious person, but last night, I actually prayed for help. What's happening in this life of mine? :(

Since we were up so long bickering last night, I only got two and a half hours of sleep. Man, was I dragging at work. I know I should probably take a nap before Ben gets out of work, but I'm in a stupor. My mind just keeps going...