Feeling down

There haven't been any new posts in a while because a lot has been going on. The last I wrote I was super excited about going to Reno. Only two days before I left, I ran into some legal issues which REALLY sucked. That's not even over and I don't want to think about it because it depresses me more than I can handle. I was in this horrible depressed funk for weeks. It took all of me to get on that airplane to Reno.

Anyway, I did end up going to Reno all by myself. I learned a lot at the Glaminar but, it saddens me that I won't really be able to pursue any of these stupid dreams for a while. I've really been thinking that I'm crazy for ever thinking that I could do this. This whole horrible situation has my confidence almost completely gone.

Then there's Ben and I. We've been bickering quite a bit lately. I'm not sure if it's because I've been sick with a cold/flu thing for way too long and now he's sick. Us not getting along has me even more melancholy. I feel like I'm a horrible girlfriend. All I keep thinking is that he deserves better than me and I should leave him alone. He should have a girlfriend who is sweet and can give him everything. More and more I think I deserve to be alone in this pathetic life of mine. Everyone's been getting pretty sick, so I don't know when I'll see him. Seeing him is the only highlight of my day. I'm beginning to think there's no end to how I feel. I really feel like a complete failure. Goodnight...