Will things ever get better?

If I thought things were really bad before, oh how wrong I was. I have to be certified to work at my job. Due to the legal issues I have found myself in the middle of, If I can't get re-certified I will most likely lose my job. Maybe I could work in a different department or something, but what's the point when everyone will talk about why I'm not an aide anymore? I mean, this isn't my dream job, but it pays my bills for now. Maybe not for much longer.

I've never been so depressed in my entire life. I try to stay positive and be happy, but how can I? Even with people around me I feel so alone. I don't really have many friends so it wouldn't matter if my existence was no longer. I'm nothing to this world. I'm just completely disgusted with myself in every way.

I love Ben with every ounce of my being, but I can't help to think he deserves so much better. I'm so proud of him too! He just got a new job with Apple and was finally able to quit shitty Game Stop. I'm so happy that he's succeeding! Ben is such a wonderful person, so kind, funny and charismatic. If I lost him, I'd be an empty shell of a person. I would completely understand if he wouldn't want to be with me anymore. It would upset him to know what I was thinking. This is a new beginning to his life, a new job and location, maybe it's time for a new girlfriend?